i believe you shall be blessed richly in Jesus name. Amen.
How Can I know Who
to Marry (Gen 24)
In order to get a complete picture of how we are to
know to marry, we will look to other parts of the Bible as well, and we will
organize our find under the following heading:
Choose A Believer
Trust God
Consider Character
Use Wisdom,
Think Ahead
Oil and water do not mix. A mouse and a boa
constrictor would not make the best of friends. A person with a paralyzing fear
of heights would not e a wise choice as a climbing partner to scale the slopes
of Mount Everst. And a follow of Chrisst would not make a good marriage match
with a nonbeliever
Why to bother over
whether or not my spouse is a believer?
Nothing should be more important to you or to the
person you marry than your spiritual well-being. Abraham knew that. He had his
servant travel a great distance (over 400 miles) to find a spiritual compatible
bride for his son. It was simply that he was protective and controlling father
– he knew the lasting significance of marriage. Genesis 24 helps us to
understand why. Abraham gave strict orders to his servant “ You will not take a
wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but
you shall go to my country and to my family, and take a wife for my son Isaac”
Gen 24: 3-4.
Who are today’s Canaanites? The person you are
planning to marry doesn’t go to church that promotes human sacrifices or sexual
rituals and doesn’t worship fertility goes. The issue, though, is who or what
is that person worshipping. Does the person in whom you have a romantic
interest know Jesus Christ as Savior? And that Person living for him?
Modern-day Canaanites are not always so obviously pagan. They can appear religious
in a positive sense, but being religious is not enough. 2 Cor 6:14-15 states
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…” If you are a believer the
person you marry must be a believer too. Look for a person who knows Christ as
Savior, and who gives evidence of spiritual growth.
What could go wrong if I don’t marry someone who is
my spiritual equal? The law God gave Moses contained prohibtions against
intermarrying with pagans of the surrounding nations. Deut 7:3-4 states “Nor
shall you make marriage with them… for they will turn your sons away from
following Me, to serve other gods.”
Solomon knew better, he misused his kingly
prerogatives and married all sorts of foreign wives who served idols. As a
result, “when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart after other gods; and
his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God.” 1 King 11:4 both Solomon and the
whole nation suffered. Don’t allow feelings to lead you to trample on your
relationship with the Lord.
It’s not easy to wait for someone else to give you
what you desperately long for. Our entire lives seem to be a process of
learning to wait in dependence on others. It all begins when we are infants –
we want our milk, our blankies, our favourite stuffed… we have to learn again
and again that we can’t have everything now. As Christians, we have to
learn over and over that we must wait on the Lord, the One who provides all we
need, It’s not an easy lesson for any of us, but we must teach our youth this
principles. We have to discover that His timing is best, that He has everything
under control.
What does the story of Isaac and Rebekah tell us
about trusting god to provide? Abraham and his servant Eliezer give us the
example to follow Gen 15: 2-6; 24-2-4). Abraham expressed his trust in God’s
ability to lead Eliezer to the right woman for his son.
As long as we walk humbly submissively, and
obediently, we need not worry that we’ll some miss God’s direction about which
way to turn.
Why is God taking so long? You can be sure that any
delay you may encounter is for good, not His attempts to torture you. It can
seem as if God is leaving you hanging when you want nothing more than to get
married and settle down. A young person can begin to panic when he or she hits
the senior year of college or age when all of his or her friends are getting
married. People can end up looking for a quick fix to their longings for a
marriage partner. That needless to say, is extremely dangerous. God wants
you to call on Him, walk close to Him, and wait on Him (Ps. 27 13-14)
How is your personal walk with God?
Are you trusting Him with the small, day-to-day
decisions?
Are you living in continual dependence on Him?
Are you in the place and attitude where He can get
your attention?
Why do I need God’s
help in choosing a mate?
Deciding to marry can be mind-boggling,
life-altering choice, and it has deep and lasting spiritual impact. And most of
people don’t realize what we are getting ourselves into. We need God’s help to
prepare us for marriage and to help us select the person who will be the best
for us (James 1:5).
According to the book of Proverbs, we take a giant
step toward being wise when we choose to fear the Lord by showing Him the
reverence and honor that is due Him (Prov 1:7; 2:1-11)/
How does the Holy
Spirit guide my choices, thinking feelings?
This is a delicate subject simply because we are
talking about less-than objective information. Even though the NT contains
several examples of how the Holy Spirit can lead through inner impressions
(Acts 8:29;11:28; 13:2; 21:11; 1 Cor 14:30), separating our subjective feelings
or urges from the voice of the Spirit is not always an easy thing to do. You
can be sure that the Spirit would never violate the clear commands of the
Bible. The Spirit would never tell you to chose to marry an unbeliever, nor
would He lead you to marry for money, nor would He guide you to marry in
conflict with the principles of wisdom.
The Holy Spirit will guide you as you study the
Bible, and He will give you sensitivity to what is right or wrong about a
relationship. The inner prompting of the Spirit will be consistent with the
truth and godly wisdom.
How should we pray for God to lead us to a husband
or a wife? God is intimately interested in hearing your requests concerning
this matter. As you bring your requests before Him and submit yourself to His
direction, you can be sure that He will give you nothing but what He wants for
you (Ps 37:4; Matt 7:7-12).
Thinking It Over
On a scale of 1 to 10, where would you rate your
level of trust in the Lord?
Have you spent time praying about who you will
marry?
Are you living in obedience to God and growing in
your relationship with Jesus Christ?
Have learned the secret of contentment, whether you
are married or not? (Phil 4:11-13)
You need to be sure that the person you choose to
marry ha the right qualifications to be your husband or wife. This is doesn’t
mean that you should hand out test forms to everyone you date, but it does mean
that you should be aware of what traits are desirable in a spouse, and perhaps
most important of all – what you except from others should also be evident in
your life.
What Character
qualities are important for people entering marriage today?
Here are some traits young person looking for
marriage should look for in others and develop in himself or herself:
Humility And Willingness To Serve. He or she should
be able to live in harmony with others, be willing to associate with people of
low position, not be conceited (John 13: 1-7; Rom 12;16). Above all, he or she
should be willing to serve you.
Sexual Purity. Sex was designed for marriage. You
should be saving yourelf for someone who has been saving himself or herself for
you (Rom 13:13 – 14; Heb 13:4).
But what if you or the person you are interested in
was sexually active in the past? Have you forfeited the privilege of a happy
marriage? NO. You will have to deal with the emotional scars of those previous
sexual activities, but gy God’s grace and mercy any person can be completely
forgiven an purified by Christ (2 Sam 12:13; 1 Jn 1:9).
Sin never makes lawlessness okay. Our sin only
makes us need God’s mercy and forgiveness more desperately.
The problem in your sexual past of your future
marriage partner’s sexual past could be deep-seated personality issues. You
would be wise to make sure that the past has been properly dealt with and that
sinful behaviour patterns have been broken and abandoned. Otherwise, those same
character weaknesses will reappear in the future and threaten your marital
sexual relationship.
The Young person will be wise to talk over these
issues with a youth pastor or a Christian counselor and make sure that the
future partner have truly put the past behind and his/her committed to sexual
purity.
Devotion To Christ. You should settle for not less
than a believer who is spiritually sensitive to the Lord and desires to live
for Christ ( 2 Cor 6: 14-18; Eph 4:17 - 5:20; Phil 3:7-16; 1 Jn 2:15-17).
Right Priorities. The one you choose to commit your
life to as husband or wife should be NOT be committed to money, pleasure, or
popularity (Eccl 2:1-11; 5:8-17; 6:1-12; Matt 6:33; Rom 12:2; 1 Tim 6:10; Heb
13:5)
Right Beliefs. Don’t marry a heretic! You don’t
have to agree on every minor issue, but make sure that you agree on the
biblical basics of sound doctrine (1 Jn 4: 1-6).
Commitment To The Church. God did not intend the
Christian life to be a game of solitaire. He designed the church to meet our
needs and for us to serve others. You should agree on this issue with your
future mate (Eph 4:1-16; Heb 10: 24-25).
Loving Attitude. This is the most basic
characteristic that every believer should posses (Jn 13:35; Gal 5:22; 1 Jn
3:11-20). Don’t marry a complainer! The wisdom of Proverbs warns us that being
married to an irritable and contentious person can be torture (Prov 19:13;
21:9-19). Examine your relationship and see how you get along.
Are you always backbiting?
Do you feel verbally or emotionally abused?
Self-Control. Does the potential mate show
restraint when angered? Is he or she addicted to
alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, sports, or impulse buying? (Prov
23:20-21; 25:28; Gal 5:22-23; Eph 5:15-18).
Honestly. The writer of Proverbs said that “an
honest answer is like a kiss on the lips” (Prov 24:26) If a person truly loves
you, he or she will show that affection with honest words.
Beauty Below The Skin. The looks for attractive
inner qualities in a man and woman; should we do any less? (1 Sam 16:7; Prov
11:22; 31:13; 1 Pet 3:2-5). Beauty is only skin-deep, but character goes right
to the bone. You should find your mate to be physically attractive to you, but
that’s not as important as inner attraction.
Responsibility. Don’t marry a selfish, lazy person
who lacks the desire or the means to fulfill certain responsibilities.
Good Relationship With Parents. How a person
relates to his parents will tell you a lot about his character. God places
great value on showing respect and honor for parents (Eph 6:1-3).
Some people may expect perfection while others
don’t expect enough. The problem with any kind of list (like the one above) is
that we can make impossible demands on another person. Certainly the basic
spiritual and character qualities should be there, but we cannot expect a
person to be perfect.
Some sounds principles:
Look In The Appropriate Place. To find a
compatible, spiritual wife, Abraham sent Eliezer to the logical place – his
hometown (Gen 24: 3-4, 10). Eliezer didn’t go into a pagan Canaanite village to
look for a wife for Isaac, just as it wouldn’t make sense for us to go to a
Buddhist shrine, an atheist’s club, a Satanist church, or a singles bar to find
a person who loves the Lord Jesus Christ.
Ask The Lord For Help. Elizier prayed about the
marriage he was arranging (Gen 24:12) and he saw the Lord lead.
Don’t Base Your Decision On One “Sign.” Even though
you may believe the sign is from the Lord, don’t throw out wisdom.
Practical Items to
consider today
Study The Family. How a
person gets along with parents and brothers and sisters will tell you volumes
about this character. A son who “mistreats his father and chases away his
mother is a son who causes shame and bring reproach” (Prov 19:26). A person who
honors his father and mother (Eph 6:2-3) enjoys the favour of the Lord. Such a
person shows the kind of character that you should want in a mate. How do his
or her parents relate to one another? You can be sure that their example has
left a deep impression on your future mate. Don’t forget to study your own
family life and your parents’ marriage example. What you’ve observed may or may
not be the type of marriage God want you to imitate.
Don’t Rush. Make
sure you know yourself and the other person well enough to be certain that you
are right for each other and ready for a lifetime relationship. (Prov 19:2;
29:20). Love at first sight is a myth. The only thing you can catch at first
sight is a superficial attraction or a cold. Love takes times to grow and
develop.
See u at the top,
Your friend,
Pastor Mike
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